How to help a loved one who is the victim of a crime

What to do when they turn to you for help

Being the victim of a crime is traumatic. It is traumatic even for non-violent crimes like being the victim of scams, harassments, and voyeurism. It is not unusual for victims to turn to their friends or loved ones to help them cope. But if you are untrained, even with your best intentions, your actions may hinder the victim’s recovery.

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Having said that, what do you do if your friend or loved one turns to you? You definitely cannot say no. The following are two things you need to keep in mind as you act as the bridge to them getting professional help.

First — Restore Sense of Control

At the heart of dealing with the psychological trauma victims feel, is the sense of a loss of control. As such, fundamental to psychological recovery, is establishing the victim’s sense of control. A key concept taught by the Israeli Defense Force that I have found the most helpful is breaking the victim mentality.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when helping victims is to treat them as victims. In the immediate aftermath of a crime, first responders “feel sorry” for the victim and instinctively demonstrate empathy by being nice to them. First responders do this by helping the…